One day at a time..

i understand that bringing the "love" subject to the matter of my life isn't very easy, i love to easily and for so i get hurt a lot during my life. I'm trying to get past a platonic love, a love that i try to hide and put it in a box so that i dont dispair. It's not easy as i am a possessive person and the more i try to act distant and that i don't care more i understand that i realy like that girl.

The girl isn't very available as i wanted, she's married and believe ir or not i respect that, that's the main reason that i hide my feeling and i compress them so hard that i sometimes have panic attacks or even drug myself so that i become numb.

She also has two children, who i have met and created a bond, two good boys.

this platonic love is soo hurtfull that the more i want to forget it, the more my hope it grows and becomes real. i want it so fucking bad that i try so hard to make it disappear.. confusing i know but that's the truth.

i feel that i don't have any kind of power to grow it in her heart, but i believe that i can make her fall in love with me, i know that i can make it, if i act it right and with pacience. but in the same time i don't want to be stuck to this ilusion for so long, i want to keep my freedom and don't close the door on other opportunities but i maintain the hope..

the smile, the light brown eyes, the blond hair, the smell that she has, i like it, alot.. maybe some day, somehow...